i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
