Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
