you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im six kinds of drunk right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
