the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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