Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
