I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
