i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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