Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
