That's intense
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
