he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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