I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
