these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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