Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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