I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
