If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
