youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
