how can u be prego again
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
