why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
