i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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