It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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