halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
