i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
