Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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