trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
