a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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