just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
