so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize