She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
