Yo dont text me then not text me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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