I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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