does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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