I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize