I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
operation have a gay friend backfired
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
