So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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