Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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