Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
