Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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