last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize