You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
