i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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