first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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