Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
