well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
