dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
please come you make the beer taste better
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
