I heard we made out
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
