careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
