your room smells of hookers.
And success
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
