good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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