We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
