just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
