Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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