You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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