So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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