I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
