Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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