We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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