I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
