Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
