the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
