i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
