We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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