I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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