Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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