I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
