There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
