9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
