the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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