Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
